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Questions for Opponents of Marriage Equality

29 Monday Jun 2015

Posted by SaraS in GLBT, News, Politics

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

lesbian, marriage, marriage equality, pride

This past Friday was an exciting day. My Facebook timeline exploded in rainbows. Sunday we attended the Seattle Pride parade, which was as exuberant and celebratory as you would expect.

But the celebration is of course tempered because I know there are people who are angry and upset, people who are somehow convinced that something has been taken away from them. I do find this baffling. Are marriage licenses a finite resource? Can only so many be printed a year, so now straight couples will be turned away by the county clerk? Will they run out of paper and ink?

How can allowing more people to marry possibly take anything away from anyone?

I don’t really want to rehash all the arguments again. I’m tired of reminding people that there is a distinction between civil marriage and religious marriage. I’m tired of pointing out that your church may enforce any rules or requirements it wishes on those it will marry, but it cannot and should not insist that the state enforce those rules when issuing civil marriage licenses to people who are not members of your church. Or noting that there are millions of heterosexual couples that don’t meet your church’s standard for marriage and yet are still legitimately, legally married, and somehow this never seems to bother you the way gay couples do (previously divorced couples, couples with no children, mixed faith couples, atheist couples. Heck, even mixed race couples probably violate some religions, sadly).

And I’m tired of the strange idea that somehow your religious freedom is abridged by my mere existence, that I am supposed to hide my life out of sight so that you can be comfortable.

The hell with that. I live my life like every other human. I will not pretend to be something I am not.

I keep hearing about people of “good will” who oppose same sex marriage due to their “deeply held beliefs.” And to those people, I have a few questions.

Back in December of 2013, Renee was diagnosed with what turned out to be a benign brain tumor, about an inch in diameter. It had grown slowly, probably for at least half a decade, but had finally reached a size that it caused symptoms that sent us to the ER on an otherwise normal Tuesday morning in December. Then an appointment with her primary care doctor. Then the appointment with the neurosurgeon. Then brain surgery. Try, for just a moment, to imagine the fear and anxiety around someone cutting into a loved one’s skull.

In the days leading up to that surgery, we did what we could to ensure that there would be no legal issues with the hospital. Made sure they had copies of our paperwork giving me the right to make medical decisions if she could not. Filed paperwork with the county to ensure that, should the worst happen, ownership of our house would pass directly to me. Pesky legal things that were a hassle to do and added plenty of anxiety to an already anxious time. Pesky things that perhaps would not be necessary if we were legally married. Thank goodness we had already created wills – we would not have had time to do that in those few days before surgery.

How would you, and your “deeply held beliefs” have been harmed if we had not needed to leap through all those legal hoops? How would it have changed your life? Would you have even noticed?

In the days after the surgery, I slept on a cot in Renee’s hospital room every night until she was released, and our amazing friends rallied around to help out. I don’t know or care what the nurses and aides might have thought – did my presence and my obvious love for my partner harm them in any way? How were they harmed? How would it have benefited their faith if I had been barred from the hospital room?

How do you benefit by making my life even more difficult and stressful during an already difficult time?

Renee and I got legally married nearly a year ago, in Spokane, WA since we still lived in Montana where it wasn’t quite legal yet. It made life easier while selling our houses and buying our new home. We probably saved a little money in taxes. And again I ask, how were you harmed? How did our real estate transactions violate your deeply held beliefs? Was the tax advisor at H&R Block who helped us file our joint tax return harmed in some way? (she probably made a good chunk of money from it, given the complexity of our taxes this year).

If you truly are a person of “good will” and you have no animosity towards me, and yet you want to make my life more difficult in these ways…well, I think I may question just how much good will you really have. Remembering again here, I am only talking about what the government recognizes, not your church.

Of course, marriage is much more than a collection of legal benefits like hospital visitation. taxes, and inheritance. Those are merely the most practical, obvious benefits that flow from legal recognition. If we are talking about the spiritual and emotional aspects of marriage, well, we’ve been married since 2012, when we held a ceremony while camping in Utah with our close friends.

On that day, we took vows promising to love and care for one another.

How did those vows harm you? How did those promises take away your freedom? You are free to believe that those promises are meaningless according to the rules of your church, of course.

If you can’t articulate a concrete way the events I’ve just described harmed you, then how does this recent supreme court ruling harm you?

Joy

Legal at last -- July 2014

Computer Memories

24 Friday Jan 2014

Posted by SaraS in Memories, News

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Apple, Mac, Mac computer

I saw on the news this morning that it is the 30th anniversary of the first Mac computer, which was introduced back in 1984.

This brings back some memories! I did not have one of those original Macs from 1984, but I do remember visiting a computer store with my dad and playing around with MacPaint on one of their demo machines. I’m not sure when it was, but it was definitely an early model. And I decided right then that I really wanted a Mac myself.

We actually had a computer back then, an Apple II+ that we had since I was in grade school. At the time this was pretty unusual; none of my friends my age had computers at home, and I don’t think we had any at school, either. I used to plunk around on that thing all the time, mostly playing games, but also occasionally experimenting with programming in BASIC.

I was motivated to learn how to type for real because I got tired of the hunt and peck method every time I wanted to type in the command to play Space Invaders.

It was a big deal when my dad installed a chip in that thing that gave it the ability to display both upper and lower case letters, rather than just all upper case.

I also have this vague, excessively geeky memory of checking out computer magazines from the library that contained the code for various games and programs…and then typing all that code in. I find it hard to believe today that this was something people actually did. Just to make sure I didn’t imagine this, I had to look it up. Yes, it was a real thing, and I really did this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Type-in_program

A few years later, in 1987, I worked out a deal with my parents to get a Macintosh SE. I know I helped pay for it, but I suspect they footed the majority of the bill. The Mac SE was an upgrade over that initial model – it had two floppy drives instead of one, and it had the “superdrive” that could read 1.4 MB floppies. So you could store an entire megabyte of data on a single disk! Megabytes. Not gigabytes. How far we have come in 30 years!

Mac SE

Mac SE (photo from Wikipedia)

I was a junior in high school in 1987. I used that Mac for all sorts of things – typing out school papers, writing short stories, writing letters to my sister in college (I used Microsoft Word to format the letters in columns, like a newspaper, and called it The Waubonsee News since that was the name of our street. I wish I still had copies of those letters.), making greeting cards and big posters that I printed out on our dot-matrix printer.

That computer came with me to college, where I kept it in a computer cabinet that my dad built (he was really into woodworking in those days). I remember the convenience of having my own computer and only using the computer lab when I need to print on the laser printers.

Eventually I splurged on a 40 MB hard drive so I didn’t have to keep swapping floppy disks in and out of the drives. Again, megabytes, not gigabytes. And at the time it seemed like way more space than I would ever need.

A little over a decade later, my first iPod could hold 500 times more storage. And fit in my pocket. What a difference!

Trapping Rant Part 2

19 Sunday Feb 2012

Posted by SaraS in Dogs, News, Outdoors, Rants

≈ 1 Comment

I just realized I never followed up on my previous post regarding KPAX’s special report on trapping.

I think this page is the summary of part two. They did at least acknowledge concerns about pets getting trapped, but it was very brief. Overall, I wasn’t especially impressed with their “special report” on this issue.

But in related news, this Saturday the Humane Society here in Missoula is hosting a workshop on releasing your pets from traps. The workshop will be put on by Footloose Montana, a non-profit organization fighting against trapping on public land. They were (briefly) mentioned in the KPAX piece.

Renee and I are definitely planning on going to this…hopefully this will help us keep all our dogs a little safer when out in the woods.

Trap Workshop Poster

Trapping Rant

07 Tuesday Feb 2012

Posted by SaraS in Dogs, News, Outdoors, Rants

≈ 1 Comment

Last night, our local CBS channel (KPAX) had a “special report” about trapping on public land on the ten o’clock news. It turned out to be just “part one;” the second part should air tonight. Part one made me extremely cranky, especially right before bed.

Here’s the story. The text on this page is most of what they covered in the story:

Trapping Remains Hot Topic – Part 1

They spent most of the time talking to trappers and people who support trapping as a “traditional way of life.” They alluded to people who oppose trapping, but sort of implied that the opposition is mostly concerned with the animals that are being harvested via trapping. They didn’t mention at all that much of the opposition is about safety of the people and pets that are also out in the public lands.

For example, the trapper they talked to said he didn’t see that this was any different from hunting or from hooking a fish. And, from the perspective of cruelty to wild animals, that’s mostly true – the animal ends up dead either way. I would point out that at least the hunter or the fisherman normally kills the animal cleanly, not leaving it to perhaps suffer for hours or days. But set aside that issue for a moment. 

My big issue is that I don’t want to see one of my dogs get caught in a trap. I’ve heard too many horror stories. The trapper they interviewed sounded relatively responsible, but not all people doing this are going to do things the right way. Some will set their traps right near trailheads, for example. What a lazy way to “hunt!”

Then there was this quote from a Montana Fish, Wildlife, and Parks spokesman:

We certainly respect the opinions of those people that are opposed, there are differing opinions on hunting, fishing, trapping – you name it. That’s personal opinion and some of it’s the result of information they’ve heard that maybe correct, or incomplete or inaccurate information. It’s a value thing and people have different opinions which they’re entitled to,” he added.

Nothing in there even hints at the fact that people might be opposed for safety reasons, not because of “differing opinions on hunting.” And I totally don’t get the “value” thing. Yes, I value my dogs being alive and safe and unhurt. Is that what he means by “value thing?”

And again the trapper they interviewed:

It’s the perception that we’re these people that are beating animals over the head with a club – and that’s not true,” Kempthorne told us.

No, actually, I didn’t have that perception. I had the “perception” that you left dangerous traps (perhaps even baited with food) in areas where pets out for a hike in the woods might stumble over them and be hurt or killed. And nothing in the interview or overall report did anything to erase that perception of trapping.

Anyway, I suppose I will tune in to the news again tonight for part two, and see if the “special report” gives a fair hearing to the other side, and clarifies the reasons people oppose trapping. But so far, I was not very impressed.

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